still . not . pregnant

i guess i should be happy that my cycles seem to have started to stick at 30 days and i always get a positive opk. that is the good news. the bad news is i feel like any combination of the following does not matter to the whole ttc thing:

/ ovulation sex /  good sex / checking cm / using opks / drinking green tea / not drinking coffee / not drinking alcohol / taking prenatals / looking at pregnancy blogs / eating well / eating junk / exercising / yoga / being sad / positive / angry / jealous

since it seems like nothing is working i have started to be less mindful that we're ttc. this is not because i don't want to be pregnant, but because if i actually let myself think how long it has been and how nothing is working, then i'm not sure what i'll do. its hard enough already trying to stay thinking only month to month, period to period.

but, i swear, when you are ttc, especially ttc for a while, it seems like everyone around you is pregnant. my coworker is pregnant with #4, like *poof* it is the easiest thing in the world to get pregnant.

and the people who told us they were pregnant when we started ttc have now had their babies and the babies are no longer newborns, and so now i go to parties with these people and all they talk about are the babies and the labor and the breastfeedings and the sleepless nights and i have no way to join in because i don't have a baby, except that i have read too many books about pregnancy and labor and newborns.