here we go again...

It's been a while! Things have been really good. My sweet baby boy is now a 3.5 year old wiggly big kid!

After much thought and discussion we have decided to open up the freezer and do a FET. We have been unofficially trying in the sense that we don't use birth control and nothing has happened in 2.5 years.

The FET is a big decision for us considering how much trouble I had with my pregnancy (multiple hospital stays, bedrest, morning sickness for my entire pregnancy, etc). To be honest, I am pushing for this more than my husband. I felt like ultimately I would regret it if we never tried for #2. I want my son to have a sibling. I want to have a family of four around the dinner table.

It's a totally different ballgame dealing with infertility the second time around. I have my child, the one I always wanted, and feel so much joy and thankfulness for this, so much that I almost feel guilty wanting a second one. Why do I feel like I am asking for too much, like I am pressing my luck? I still feel jealous when people get pregnant. Is this feeling ever going to go away?

We are incredibly lucky and grateful to have 7 frozen embryos. We started doing a couple preparation tasks for the FET, including a mock transfer, blood tests, and a Counsyl genetic test. Our next two major decisions are 1. natural or medicated FET 2. Genetic testing. We are considering testing all the embryos for genetic problems because of the placenta issues with my son. I still feel guilt over him having reduced blood flow in his cord and IUGR. We would rather transfer and be ready to deal with these issues ahead of time. I'm not 100% sure though. It may be too much playing God for me.