3dp5dt

i'm taking it easy. i'm relaxing. eating. internetting. reading. watching movies. snuggling with my kitties. enjoying.

and i can't stop myself from doing that mental check every couple hours to see if i think i'm pregnant. i have a lot of "getting pregnant is impossible" thoughts still stuck in my head from our almost 2 years of trying before ivf. i'm trying not to be negative, but i don't feel any different. granted, it is only 3 days after the 5 day transfer. but wouldn't the little guy be hatched and implanted? i guess i am just trying to prepare myself for possible disappointment.

my beta is scheduled for this sunday, early in the morning, so that we'll get same day results. i look at the date on the calendar and i am sort of dreading it.

at the same time i am hesitantly letting myself look at Offbeat Mama and read all the birth stories. i look at my embryo's picture that we put on the kitchen chalkboard and i stare at it intensely and longingly, looking at all its cells and how it is floating in the vast blue water, and i think please, little guy, please stay put. we want you so much. let this be it for all of us.